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he National sounds like an authority – What is it exactly?

Somewhere down in the footer, this awesome website is interpreted as: ‘The National Services LLC’. What does it imply? Well, let’s just say that ‘The National’ is a baby’s gaggle of an online platform. It ain’t that small a gaggle if taken in literal terms. As seen throughout this website’s delirium of posts, we like to keep our motor mouths and ricochet fingers to churn out amazing tech product reviews. Amongst the virtual kingdom of tech/ gadget review sites, ‘The National’ is the alpha dog! Watch out cos we got a buckshot of viral content.

This may sound weird but I have a fetish for talking live. Is there any way I can call you guys?

First off, shouldn’t you be trying online dating services? Hate to break it to you, but Abso-freakin-lutely NOT!  It’s not that someone at our end is shy of talking on the phone, we are too damn busy scribbling down illuminating product reviews for you. And that isn’t all. Think of all the How to Guides and other stuff, it piles up to a Mount Olympus level. However, you can always drop comments through the comments section or send an email at techguy@thenational.net. We’d love to hear from you.

Are you guys any good on customer support?

Oh yeah, you bet your bippy we are. Our customer support is based on personalization. You are having trouble installing a product, you don’t like the existing setup of your bombastic sound system, or for any other reason, just send us an email at techguy@thenational.net. Someone is always hanging around at our inbox (we ain’t got anything better to do yet…) to help out people like you! PS: Sell your outdated tech items in a flea market; we won’t tell on you.

You are listing product price with each review, what’s that all about?

As long as the Russian Mafia or some domestic booty kickin’ agency hasn’t put a gun to our heads, we will keep on stating down the lowest available price for every single product. Why is that so? Didn’t we say we are all about transparency, honesty and assisting you in buying something that’s worth your hard earned cash?

Okay… I am not sure if I can visit ‘The National’ each day. Is there any way I can receive updates about your amazing product reviews, news and bullpizzle?

That’s a tricky one. Would it bother you for 5 minutes to visit this website at least once in a day? If you have got choices, we have got the remedies. You can follow our Twitter Feed, or Facebook updates by either following our liking us. Both ways, it’ll save you a load of so-called “hassle” to open an adorable URL… sob sob, sniff sniff…

Obama and I were high school dropout buddies. Do I get a special treatment from you for being cool?

Gee, some people would do anything to get exclusive perks. No, you don’t get any special treatment. Annoy us and we’ll send you a special package, sprinkled with a dose of Anthrax Microbes!

Why are product reviews and descriptions so allegedly comical?

Isn’t it boring enough already to read lame tech product reviews without any sense of humor? Seriously, ask yourself, when was the last time you interestingly read a serious connotation of tech product reviews for 5 minutes? We like to keep our moxy intact and we’ll keep on adding humor to our content.

Any plans for making ‘The National TV’ Go Live?

Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, we are already working on releasing a dedicated Web TV Channel for you. Now you can tickle your fancy knobs by watching our sexy product reviewers live from the vicinity of your shady computer screens.

What determines a quality comment or a quality product review from a visitor?

We’ve got an array of nasty 13 year olds who like to moderate our website. Nah, just kidding. If your comments are slightly contributive in even the wildest sense, you’ll get a pat or two from us. Top commenters get customized ‘The National’ gift hampers as well. So keep an eye out for making this website more useful. Same stuff applies to your product review submissions.

What is the big deal about ‘The National’ gift hampers? How do I get one?

We like to keep the excitement coursing through your veins 24/7. Each month, The National’s grumpy editor reviews the overall percentage of your contribution to the website. Based on your total number of comments, product reviews submissions and the degree of details within each submission, the editor will choose a winner. If you’ve got big brass cojones here, you’ll get noticed in no time.

Things that ‘The National’ doesn’t support…

We are not responsible for any stalkers turning up at your doorstep. Take a look at the following commandments to be on the safe side:

1. Please avoid posting your personal information, such as; real name, home address, someone else’s home address, phone number, your Ex’s email IDs – so on and so forth. You get the drill here, don’t you?

2. Advertising for Ads or so called, ‘Hey I make tons of imaginary cash via this super cool online program’ kind of stuff is strictly off limits. Likewise, Viagra ads, male member enhancement and other doo hickeys are more suitable to the confines of your pants.

3. You will be banned for life at the suspicion of submitting fake product reviews. Believe you me, we are pretty good at finding out whether the review or comment in question is legit or not. Bring it on Biatch! Bring it On!!!

4. All 14 year olds, or kids below this age group, are strongly advised to bookmark this website and show it later to their parents as ‘That AWESOME Product Review Site’. If mommy or pappi affirms it as a cool site, continue onwards with your daily visits. Otherwise, scat!

Can I work for ‘The National’?

Well, we don’t care if you are Nannying someone part time or trying to make ends meet. If you have a flare for tech products, slapped with a chunk of decent writing skills, send your proposal/ resumes via our jobs section. If hired, or under the suspicion of being hired, you will hear from us within 48 hours.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 12th, 2012 at 1:56 AM and is filed under What's What. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.