Obsidian Entertainment’s old messy project on Xbox 360 is known as “Alpha Protocol.” Needless to say, I saw this game 2 years ago at my local GameStop. I had the game box in my hand, stared at it for 3 long seconds, turned it over, read the story and laughed my intestines out. Then I put it back whence I picked it up from….

Guns Lol | They Suck in Alpha Protocol

Here’s the good part of Alpha Protocol:

-          You get to control the entire storyline – your choices appear to make a difference

-          Multiple ways of approaching missions and character development

Oh boy, did I miss something? If I were to carry on with the dark side of this game, then it would take me an entire evening to finish that. For example, the game has terrible AI, you can never get too much of that stealthy action and enemies appear to be either plain dumb or really smart.

The camera angle is so irritatingly close, that you rarely get to see your enemies in full view – plus, our character has a stiff elbow and an ass that is 2 feet out of the TV screen. The game’s main character is Michael Thornton, who is one of the invaluable assets of the U.S. secret agencies.

Your first mission is to travel to Saudi Arabia and investigate the latest terrorism debacle. First thing, why do game characters have to travel to eastern parts of the world? Does a terrorist have to be a Muslim to pass the approval from game developers? I am sure there are American terrorists, Mexican terrorist and terrorist from the entire universe. Bah, never mind – Mike’s first mission didn’t go so smooth and he gets pulled behind enemy lines.

Wow – So You Can Create a Terrorist Character Too?

“Alpha Protocol” also reminds me of “No one lives forever”, where you get extra bonus points for sweet talking and flirting. A well mannered agent is likely to develop likeness towards you, rather than a Russian vixen that is really hard to coax.

The story doesn’t have a lot of heart into it; it gets bogged down and makes it difficult for you to proceed through the missions. There are interesting parts in the game as well but moreover, they’re just there to keep you interested in the play through. At one point, you receive an email from a fellow agent who tells you that she’s been having her panties twisted in a flare, by mere thoughts of you…

If you can bear with Mike’s awkward posture and funny ladder jumping sessions, then do go for “Alpha Protocol”. I bet, one in a million times, we all need a funny game to play; just to ease out tension regarding some complex levels of Mass Effect 2 or vice versa…